Man, I feel down. I don't know what happened to me since last semester. What the heck happened to me? Was last semester too easy and now this one too hard. Tuesday is the last day to withdraw from a class but should I? I feel like I'm going to get 3 Fs and 2 As this semester. Let me explain.
The two As from PE and CSC 385 because their, like last semester, easy classes. But my Fs are coming from Computer Sci (CSC), Digital Logic, and Calculus. I had a CSC exam on Friday which was worst than being "bombed." After failing both a digital logic and calculus exams (54 and 44 respectively) I thought I'd work hard to pass this CSC exam. But no, this exam was worst than those two. I have a calculus exam on Friday which I've ignored to understand those two chapters because of all the stuff I had to to for my programing classes. Everything is a mess.
I just want the summer to come and let me refresh myself. I want to feel happy not have to fake it all the time. I quit one of my jobs (the one for admissions) because I thought this would give me more time. I go my hours pulled from 25-20hrs a week to 9hrs. I can't cut those last few bucks because that's how I'll pay for gas. right after the exam on Friday, I emailed this guy who posted being able to tutor CSC kids. 15$ an hour. I'm wondering now just how many times a week I want to have him help me.
This CSC class is said to be the class where all non-CSC majors end up dropping...where do I go? Wrong I can't change majors. Too much time invest as well as money.
So school --- is depressing. I can't fail a class because that'll only put me behind.
Other than that...job
With school being the way its been its made me really tired, stressed, and just in general horrible....its had an effect with me at work. We get four blue slips or three pink slips (blue = mistake, pink = bad ) before we are eligible to get fired. So I have no pink slips thank god,, but as of Friday (notice how awesome Friday was) I have five blue slips for not emailing back "I've read this email." My manager knows me personally in the school and she walked up to me before my CSC exam and said not to worry. To just get sleep and destress myself. That she understood I wasn't like that last semester.
Maybe this one will be better....bf/gf
This isn't too bad. Shes really come through with me stressing (and not herself). She bought me a dozen of doughnuts one night and has made me dinner. She bought a build-your-self shelf that I was able yesterday to eat dinner with her room mate and get into her room and build it for her. I hope she likes the surprise.
Other than school this is where I need help....
Is not letting someone find something out about you a lie? Where does one find these rules to what is lying? How can I explain to someone that my standards are not that high? I just want honesty. I love honesty because I'm free and lets people like me for who I am. Have I really been bad before so that this individual is scared of me and will over and over again lie to me hoping I'll never find out? We could be happier if she told the truth, I made a decision on how I felt about it, and moved on. Still it is mean of me still not the trust them?
Honesty for what?.....
Here's some lyrics for you that I listened to yesterday while driving and I thought nothing could better describe:
Somewhere between an excuse and a lie,
You found something that you believe. [her new thing]
So proud, I guess I can't imagine why, [for hiding it]
Three cheers for what [you] used to be. [shes not what I thought she was, or who she was before]
Shit talking, it crumbles around you. [I caught her lying]
It comes back around. [back to being dishonest]
Somewhere between delusion and denial,
You'll drown in your own sympathy. [she wont care. I just have to understand and move on]
Profound, at least you thought so at the time,
A ghost of who you used to be. [a fading ghost]
I think I am wrong (not IN honesty but of WHAT the honesty is in). That will need a phone call or perhaps a visit.
Valerie is having some wedding thing that I am required to attend on Feb. 28. I should be in Cary by Friday though.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day is over rated. That's coming from someone who's been in a 2.5 year long relationship. I've never cared about it until I got in this relationship. It was really nice in elementary school where I'd get alot of candy. Now I get a couple of hugs and not super romantic kisses you'd expect to see in a movie. Actually in one of the millions of movies that were on tv today. Gosh, I'd hate my life if I were a single girl that really wanted some lovin'. Valentine's Day has become such a commericalized thing. So let me tell you about her Valentine's Day -it's never the guys.
School has been really hard this semester. I have 3 classes that every week assign a 30hr program to code along with Calculus 3's proving Kepler's Laws, and a very tiring P.E. class. So it's been rough. My girlfriend said she was going to go home because it was going to be the last weekend of the year that she'd be able to go home. So she was planning to leave with or without me. So I told her that with this new semester and with her nonchalantly saying she'd leave no matter what for the weekend, that I'd better stick around here at school and catch up on sleep and get some work done. She once again nonchalantly said that was alright and that was that. Valentine's Day would just be celebrated a week later on a Friday afternoon when she had time to do a dinner.
Well, girls rarely mean anything they say. We, guys, should always watch out for when somthing is 'fine' or 'alright' because you know you're being set up. By thursday night it was determined that she'd be leaving while I'd have a meeting at work till 6pm. Well, while on the phone talking to my parents I started to feel bad for her. A girl spending Valentine's Day on her own. I decided that after she left, 4hrs later, I'd go home too and not let her know I was there until 5pm the next day to celebrate Valentine's Day with her.
So I spent the entire day, instead of catching up on much needed sleep and school work, making her hand crafted gifts. I bought roses and made her favorite candy bars look like flowers by sticking them between the roses. I bought her her favorite girl scout cookies and also a bunch of other chocolates. Oh, and told her I had reservations at 8pm to at a restaurant.
Well she had stuff to do that day too, and I knew that surprising her was a bad idea because shes always so busy. I spend a good portion of the day wondering why I date her if it seems like I'm not even dating anyone anymore. Always busy. Today, she had an exam that had taken her 2hrs before to do and a couple of things she was doing for her family. I also knew and tried to fix that'd she originally be stressed enough that she wasn't told to bring a fancy whatever for dinner.
For all the hard work I put into making today special for her, it didn't turn out to special for myself.
What's one to do in these situations? What if this is my life with her? One could easily read this and see a flaw or two. All I ever want to be in life is happy. A simple simple true happy.
There's another girl who makes me happy. I don't even try flirting with her because it's not right, but she does make my day alot. She's really nice and simple and thats hard to come by in this world where everyone is so complicated and hard to understand. It's funny thinking of this now. One may see her and say that this girl is overcomplicating things, but I find her funny and really enjoy her company. I look at where I'm at now and say it is over complicated. And how much I'd like to return to how it was in the beginning when things where simple and clean. Quickly understood and no questions. But converstation seemed like water and we go swimming all the time in it.
School has been really hard this semester. I have 3 classes that every week assign a 30hr program to code along with Calculus 3's proving Kepler's Laws, and a very tiring P.E. class. So it's been rough. My girlfriend said she was going to go home because it was going to be the last weekend of the year that she'd be able to go home. So she was planning to leave with or without me. So I told her that with this new semester and with her nonchalantly saying she'd leave no matter what for the weekend, that I'd better stick around here at school and catch up on sleep and get some work done. She once again nonchalantly said that was alright and that was that. Valentine's Day would just be celebrated a week later on a Friday afternoon when she had time to do a dinner.
Well, girls rarely mean anything they say. We, guys, should always watch out for when somthing is 'fine' or 'alright' because you know you're being set up. By thursday night it was determined that she'd be leaving while I'd have a meeting at work till 6pm. Well, while on the phone talking to my parents I started to feel bad for her. A girl spending Valentine's Day on her own. I decided that after she left, 4hrs later, I'd go home too and not let her know I was there until 5pm the next day to celebrate Valentine's Day with her.
So I spent the entire day, instead of catching up on much needed sleep and school work, making her hand crafted gifts. I bought roses and made her favorite candy bars look like flowers by sticking them between the roses. I bought her her favorite girl scout cookies and also a bunch of other chocolates. Oh, and told her I had reservations at 8pm to at a restaurant.
Well she had stuff to do that day too, and I knew that surprising her was a bad idea because shes always so busy. I spend a good portion of the day wondering why I date her if it seems like I'm not even dating anyone anymore. Always busy. Today, she had an exam that had taken her 2hrs before to do and a couple of things she was doing for her family. I also knew and tried to fix that'd she originally be stressed enough that she wasn't told to bring a fancy whatever for dinner.
For all the hard work I put into making today special for her, it didn't turn out to special for myself.
What's one to do in these situations? What if this is my life with her? One could easily read this and see a flaw or two. All I ever want to be in life is happy. A simple simple true happy.
There's another girl who makes me happy. I don't even try flirting with her because it's not right, but she does make my day alot. She's really nice and simple and thats hard to come by in this world where everyone is so complicated and hard to understand. It's funny thinking of this now. One may see her and say that this girl is overcomplicating things, but I find her funny and really enjoy her company. I look at where I'm at now and say it is over complicated. And how much I'd like to return to how it was in the beginning when things where simple and clean. Quickly understood and no questions. But converstation seemed like water and we go swimming all the time in it.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
First Day
Gosh. Where to start? This blogging stuff is really hard. First of all, I couldn't think of a name for eBlogger page and a title for this first blog. I mean "Life for Dummies?" I guess it is 7:3oam during the weekend. I'll regret my titles later. I even researched but all I got were webpage’s where they gave me tips on sex so I guess I could have easily have named this blog "Sex for Dummies." Can you change that? I really don't like it anymore. Hmm... that implies I have something for you guys to learn while reading, right? So then, I'm definitely wrong. Crap.
Well, I'm here. Blogging. I guess I kinda miss this. Since the move from MySpace I haven't spent time typing anything out. Though I have a Facebook account, I don't pay much attention to it. We'll see how this goes.
Well, I'm here. Blogging. I guess I kinda miss this. Since the move from MySpace I haven't spent time typing anything out. Though I have a Facebook account, I don't pay much attention to it. We'll see how this goes.
One things for sure. You'll have to excuse all my sloppy writing. Though I'll try writing here often, I don't want to spend a lot of time correcting my grammar and vocabulary.
Okay well for waking up early, I'm not getting tired. I have to prove Kepler's Laws of Motion for my Calc 3 class, a Sudoku Program, and continue writing a song (Valentine's Day).
Okay. I'll think of something better to write next time. Promise.
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